***Because He Tried***

He tried a million times to love me.
He tried to push aside all the anger and pain I felt and was dealt by others.
He tried to welcome me into his world.
He tried to protect me from the inevitable heartbreak and loneliness that would soon encompass me.
He tried to lead me to a better place, where I would be kept without conditions.
He tried to inhabit my soul with feelings of happiness, accomplishments, and succession.
He tried to rid me of failure.


He tried to love me.
He tried to be good to and for me.
He tried to erase the memories of beatings and cheatings I had experienced by other men.
He tried to overpower my inflictions and convictions and make them his own.
He tried to recover my security and trust so that they may be directed towards him.
He tried to pull me into his life, being my husband, I his wife.
He tried to consume me.

He tried to love me.
He tried to give me his hand but I never held it.
He tried to believe in me but I always gave him reason to doubt me.
He tried to give me stability but to me there was always something better.
He tried to pray with me for the well being of our children, our family.
He tried to support my decision to wait, even though he didn't know why.
He tried to be my enlightener, my teacher, my substance.

This man gave me everything.
This man gave me a fairy tale that never stopped reading.
This man was something I never wanted but always needed.
This man was the little voice in me that said to keep trying.
This man was the strength that subsequently kept me from dying.
This man was like a brother I never had.
This man was the father that early passed.

But as with most things I only saw his faults.
I never saw what he was doing, only what he could do.
I never focused on the reality, I focused on what-ifs.
I was the curse to his gift.
I pushed him away with my negativity, my suspicions, my anger.
I gave him my ass to kiss.

And now...........

As I look back I realize that I was so used to giving myself to undeserving men.
I had no idea what a good man looked like, felt like, or even sounded like.
I only knew that he was different.
I saw him as odd and because of this I despised him.
I saw him as something that was too good to be true, so to me he was a lie.
I denied a love without boundaries, without heartache, without constant pleads for forgiveness,
without physical and mental pain, without reasonable doubt, without suffering or confusion,
and without absolute destruction.

Because he tried, I let him go.