***Gate 17(part 1)***
For a year I've been involved with two, one man, one woman, I am the 1/3 in this equation. As far as he and she goes, they have no idea the other exists. Juggling two love affairs, loving two people for different reasons. Satisfying two appetites, feeding two hungers, my ideal existence. Some would say I am selfish, maybe greedy, insatiable, even needy but I say that if loving two is wrong, I'll be wrong until my demise.
The time we spend together is nothing short of remarkable. It's not even purely sexual, it's a mental connection, one that can only be shared by a select few. I happen to share this supreme connection with two. We love the same things, we're apart of the same circles, their desires are mine. We learn from each other. Our minds are open to do whatever pleases the other.
He is my life. I love him more than one can possibly define or explain. There are no words for this. He consumes me. Gives me the air I need to grow, then takes my breath away. Touches me and I begin to breathe so hard that it becomes physically painful, so I stop. Once feeling his love was overpowering, overwhelming, dangerous...I have now accepted it, possessed it, became the Bonnie to his Clyde.
He has studied and learned every curve, mole, blemish and sensitive spot. He has patiently explored and discovered eros' playground. This man knows me and it's obvious everytime we make love. One look, just one lustful glance and he commences to drive me to Mount St. Helen's peak. I explode. He is like an accomplished sculptor, precise with every touch.This man knows my body. He tries to fill me up but there's always 1/2 of me left empty, unfulfilled.That other 1/2 is reserved for only her.
She attacks my body with so much passion that even in her absence, I have to bite my bottom lip to keep from crying out. That's how it be when I think of She. I'm finding it hard to keep my feelings for her a secret. We have made the promise that there will never be another. Another woman that is. Without her I'd be lost.
Once curious about how a woman so intelligent, so deep, so fascinating would be able to love another woman. If she could love another woman. If she could love me. Now having received the answers time and time again, I am no longer curious. I am now knowing, completely intoxicated, involved. The intensity of her love surpasses anything I could have ever imagined. She is perfection and imperfection. A mixture of Heaven and Hell. A combination of Eve and Lilith. She keeps me wondering, excited, wanting more although she assures me there is nothing left. Like a frequent flyer in well traveled airspace, she rides and enjoys our turbulent irony. The sensations she gives takes me into outer space, leaves me there. I lose myself, I lose gravity.
When I'm alone with one, the other is in the front of my mind. I never abandon them.
With him, I fantasize about the fullness of her breasts, the wetness of her pussy, the way she becomes so sensitive after each orgasm. The way she begs me to stop, the way I don't stop until convinced she is completely satisfied. The way her muscles contract around my fingers. The "Oh Gods", the convulsing, the taste of her lingering in my mouth.
With her, I fantasize about the length and girth of his dick. His strong hands, the way they grip my shoulders, hips and ass. The way it feels when he slides, eases slowly into me. The way his bulging veins tickle my clit with every stroke. The way he pumps his juices into me, then remains inside, soft and still. The way he carresses my face, makes me feel sexy, like a woman. The way I've never cum so hard with any other man.
These two love affairs have definitely changed me. Trying to maintain my sanity, yet acting out irrationally, completely loca. Trying to once again own my reserve, yet appearing unexpectedly on doorsteps dripping wet wearing a trench coat, heels and thong. My mind is fucked up but I absolutely love being here, still realizing this isn't my place. An author once said 'Never Again, Once More'...Exactly. If I had to make a monogamous move towards one, I couldn't. I wouldn't unless...there was a sign. Funny that I now seek spirituality when confused. We always look up, needing our actions justified, even when there is no justification. I pray that the Supreme Being sends me down a revelation. Puts me in 'the Stood'. I am so torn. My body craves this but emotionally I am exhausted. Tired of entertaining confusion. Please show me something, give me a sign, tell me who.
Today I received an anonymous note that read "Let me take you to places you've never been. Meet me at Gate 17." Signed 'Me'. Inside the envelope is an airline ticket, destination Zion, departure time 7pm. I don't know what to think. Which one, God is this a sign? I decide that whomever I meet at that gate, will be the one. I'm nervous, anxious, and sad at the same time. In 4 hours I'll have to leave a piece of me behind forever. In 4 hours 1/2 of me will be empty. Regardless, I must prepare myself. I must keep focus.
I pack, get myself together, drink a glass of Moe't, inhale Khush, exhale Ganja. Calm my nerves as Carl Thomas sings his promises to me. Get in my car and drive and drive and drive until that place of excitement and disappointment appears in plain view. I'm ready.
Going through the motions of airport security, still searching for something, seeing nothing but crowds of unfamiliar faces. Who will it be?
Gate 11...my breathing gets heavy, pulse beats faster, insides churn.
Gate 13...butterflies, mixed emotions, wanting to turn back, wanting to move forward.
Gate 15... knees start to buckle, legs betray me and continue to move, won't stop, can't stop.
Gate 17...empty seats, nothing but space to move, time to think, thinking way too much. Where are you? Standing here confused, subconsciously wanting to drift away, wanting to hide my guilt, mask my uneasiness. Ready to give up, and then....
I feel your presence, I hear your silence. The heat from your stare burns my skin. I close my eyes and turn around, facing you, not wanting to know. Wishing for temporary blindness at that moment. Against my own will my eyes open and...I feel dizzy. Like the Matrix, everything seems to move around me in slow motion. Even my own thoughts have been delayed. I'm standing inside a whirlwind, a tornado, while everything floats around me. Waiting for me to make my next move, yet guarding me from doing so. And you......I see you standing there patiently waiting for me at this gate.
Seeing you, I finally know..
nimah
The time we spend together is nothing short of remarkable. It's not even purely sexual, it's a mental connection, one that can only be shared by a select few. I happen to share this supreme connection with two. We love the same things, we're apart of the same circles, their desires are mine. We learn from each other. Our minds are open to do whatever pleases the other.
He is my life. I love him more than one can possibly define or explain. There are no words for this. He consumes me. Gives me the air I need to grow, then takes my breath away. Touches me and I begin to breathe so hard that it becomes physically painful, so I stop. Once feeling his love was overpowering, overwhelming, dangerous...I have now accepted it, possessed it, became the Bonnie to his Clyde.
He has studied and learned every curve, mole, blemish and sensitive spot. He has patiently explored and discovered eros' playground. This man knows me and it's obvious everytime we make love. One look, just one lustful glance and he commences to drive me to Mount St. Helen's peak. I explode. He is like an accomplished sculptor, precise with every touch.This man knows my body. He tries to fill me up but there's always 1/2 of me left empty, unfulfilled.That other 1/2 is reserved for only her.
She attacks my body with so much passion that even in her absence, I have to bite my bottom lip to keep from crying out. That's how it be when I think of She. I'm finding it hard to keep my feelings for her a secret. We have made the promise that there will never be another. Another woman that is. Without her I'd be lost.
Once curious about how a woman so intelligent, so deep, so fascinating would be able to love another woman. If she could love another woman. If she could love me. Now having received the answers time and time again, I am no longer curious. I am now knowing, completely intoxicated, involved. The intensity of her love surpasses anything I could have ever imagined. She is perfection and imperfection. A mixture of Heaven and Hell. A combination of Eve and Lilith. She keeps me wondering, excited, wanting more although she assures me there is nothing left. Like a frequent flyer in well traveled airspace, she rides and enjoys our turbulent irony. The sensations she gives takes me into outer space, leaves me there. I lose myself, I lose gravity.
When I'm alone with one, the other is in the front of my mind. I never abandon them.
With him, I fantasize about the fullness of her breasts, the wetness of her pussy, the way she becomes so sensitive after each orgasm. The way she begs me to stop, the way I don't stop until convinced she is completely satisfied. The way her muscles contract around my fingers. The "Oh Gods", the convulsing, the taste of her lingering in my mouth.
With her, I fantasize about the length and girth of his dick. His strong hands, the way they grip my shoulders, hips and ass. The way it feels when he slides, eases slowly into me. The way his bulging veins tickle my clit with every stroke. The way he pumps his juices into me, then remains inside, soft and still. The way he carresses my face, makes me feel sexy, like a woman. The way I've never cum so hard with any other man.
These two love affairs have definitely changed me. Trying to maintain my sanity, yet acting out irrationally, completely loca. Trying to once again own my reserve, yet appearing unexpectedly on doorsteps dripping wet wearing a trench coat, heels and thong. My mind is fucked up but I absolutely love being here, still realizing this isn't my place. An author once said 'Never Again, Once More'...Exactly. If I had to make a monogamous move towards one, I couldn't. I wouldn't unless...there was a sign. Funny that I now seek spirituality when confused. We always look up, needing our actions justified, even when there is no justification. I pray that the Supreme Being sends me down a revelation. Puts me in 'the Stood'. I am so torn. My body craves this but emotionally I am exhausted. Tired of entertaining confusion. Please show me something, give me a sign, tell me who.
Today I received an anonymous note that read "Let me take you to places you've never been. Meet me at Gate 17." Signed 'Me'. Inside the envelope is an airline ticket, destination Zion, departure time 7pm. I don't know what to think. Which one, God is this a sign? I decide that whomever I meet at that gate, will be the one. I'm nervous, anxious, and sad at the same time. In 4 hours I'll have to leave a piece of me behind forever. In 4 hours 1/2 of me will be empty. Regardless, I must prepare myself. I must keep focus.
I pack, get myself together, drink a glass of Moe't, inhale Khush, exhale Ganja. Calm my nerves as Carl Thomas sings his promises to me. Get in my car and drive and drive and drive until that place of excitement and disappointment appears in plain view. I'm ready.
Going through the motions of airport security, still searching for something, seeing nothing but crowds of unfamiliar faces. Who will it be?
Gate 11...my breathing gets heavy, pulse beats faster, insides churn.
Gate 13...butterflies, mixed emotions, wanting to turn back, wanting to move forward.
Gate 15... knees start to buckle, legs betray me and continue to move, won't stop, can't stop.
Gate 17...empty seats, nothing but space to move, time to think, thinking way too much. Where are you? Standing here confused, subconsciously wanting to drift away, wanting to hide my guilt, mask my uneasiness. Ready to give up, and then....
I feel your presence, I hear your silence. The heat from your stare burns my skin. I close my eyes and turn around, facing you, not wanting to know. Wishing for temporary blindness at that moment. Against my own will my eyes open and...I feel dizzy. Like the Matrix, everything seems to move around me in slow motion. Even my own thoughts have been delayed. I'm standing inside a whirlwind, a tornado, while everything floats around me. Waiting for me to make my next move, yet guarding me from doing so. And you......I see you standing there patiently waiting for me at this gate.
Seeing you, I finally know..
nimah
posted by ahlam at 2:30 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home